Thursday, June 17, 2010

Chapter 4 Adventures in Solitude - The New Pornographers

Yes this is epically long.... but it's all one chapter. I couldn't help it. As always I would love to know what you think.

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“So you’re telling me not only do you have the most awesome job in the world surrounded by all these sexy athletes you go out drinking and dancing with them.” Sarah opened her mouth to cut her best friend Mallory off but Mal held her hand up to stop her. “And one of them takes your drunk ass home and you manage not to sleep with him? What the HELL SARAH!” Mallory and Sarah had been best friends since Nursing school and by the grace of god were getting to spend a bit of time together for a change working on the same floor that night.

“Ok so lets unpack what you said there.” Sarah teased knowing her friend hated it when she brought psych terms and phrases to their friendship. “I do have a kick ass job. So kick ass that I feel like sleeping with my patients on my first day would be a bad idea. I mean at least give me a week.” she was joking. There was nothing in her contract that said she couldn’t date a player but she thought in the form of professionalism that she wasn’t really going to let that become an issue. Well… maybe it would if Kris kept being awesome and nice and wanting to spend time with her. “You have to be on your best behavior tonight Mal. Kris is coming down to have dinner with me on break.” she explained going serious face on her friend. “It’s not a big deal but you’re scary sometimes and he’s sweet and quiet.” Sarah explained.

“Just don’t leave him alone with me and we’ll be cool.” Mal teased. Sarah knew she could trust her friend. They had seen some pretty awful stuff together and helped one another though all kinds of personal disasters over their six years of friendship. “I’m going to check in on Jason. I told Kris to call when he got here but if he just turns up let me know.” she said heading around the nursing station out onto the floor.

“I kinda know what he looks like but how will I know for sure?” Mal asked as Sarah turned to answer walking backwards down the hallway.

“Just look for a man with some serious sex hair and a quiet demeanor.” Sarah called back all smiles before heading off down the hall completely.

Sarah checked in on her three other patients as well taking half an hour before making it down to Jason. “Hey Jay how’s it going?” she asked as she headed into his room knocking lightly on the door jam. Jason was a good kid. He had a nice family that worked hard to make ends meet to get him the care he needed. “How’s life my friend?” she asked taking a seat in his visitors chair putting her feet up on the edge of his bed like she always did. Due to his Parents schedules they weren’t around all that much so when he first came in she held the fort for his Parents happy to sit with the scared seven year old.

“Well I’m here the sun is shining and I would rather be outside at home with my friends.” He said a bit grumpily but any kid would be grumpy cooped up in the hospital all day. “I have someone special coming to visit you tonight thanks to my new awesome job.” she said pretending to dust off her shoulder indicating her awesomeness. “My friend Kris is going to stop by. You may know him as current Stanley Cup Champion Defenseman for the Pittsburgh Penguins Kris Letang.” she was all smiles imaging his face if he ever heard her introduce him like that.

“Don’t tease me like that Sarah.” he said obviously skeptical of this promise. He was a hockey fan well… Jason was a fan of every sport in the city even baseball. “Seriously don’t tease me.”
No joke Jay he’ll be here later to visit.” she reached out touching his arm. He felt a little clammy which she made note of. It wasn’t to big of a deal at the moment but she would have to page his doctor if his condition worsened. She looked over his paperwork seeing who was on call for him tonight. She cringed seeing the name ‘Dr. Eric James’.

“Yeah it’s Doctor James taking care of me.” he said looking at her with a little shrug. I know you guys aren’t together he told me when I asked if you’d be here.” Jason said it like it wasn’t a big deal that he knew the two had been dating. For her it was always a big deal that her patients knew about her personal life like that and worse yet he had been the one to disclose it not her.

“It’s no big deal. I’m glad he’s taking care of you he’s a good doctor.” Sarah said keeping her inner feelings from her face as best she could.

The thought of Eric stomping through for rounds any time now had her stomach doing painful flip-flops a lot of emotions she really wanted to be over churning up. Most notable in the pack of feelings she was experience were anger and pure pain. The relationship she started with Eric had been a torrid one. She was a first year nurse and was really it wasn’t all that shocking to find herself paired up with such a handsome young doctor. Sure he was older than her but she didn’t care. He was stunning, brilliant and seemed to enjoy her company. As it turned out the relationship was a painful one that she remained in taking more verbal abuse than a sane person should. After three years he asked her to marry him and she had to say no putting an end to their tumultuous connection.

She didn’t dwell long though as she received a page from the nursing station followed by a text from her friend Mal. ‘He’s here and dear lord is he walking sex. You need to hit that.’ Sarah laughed as she brought her feet down. “I’m going to let Eric know he should stop by tonight. No complaining you’re not going to sit around all clammy on my watch.” he opened his mouth to say something but shut it knowing protesting would only make things worse. “I’ll be back in a bit with Kris so be on your best behavior or I’ll send him home.” Jason nodded as he turned the volume up on his tv.

Sarah pulled out her nursing pager/messenger sending a message to Eric knowing he would get it and be around soon. She hoped he would take care of business and be gone not searching her out to chat. She smiled tucking the pager back into her pocket on her scrubs with her phone as she headed down the hall a bounce in her step as she saw him stand there with take out bags. “How much food did you get?”she asked stepping up next to him with a bright smile. She wasn’t sure of she should give him a little hug or not. She decided against it thanks to the way Mal was standing at the desk all but drooling. “She’s fine I swear this is how she always looks.” Sarah said waving a hand at her friend. Kris just smiled lowering his head a bit slightly embarrassed. “So we can totally go eat.” she said motioning for him to follow her. The nursing lounge was empty thankfully as she showed him out to the balcony that was mostly used by smoking staff. With it deserted though she thought it would be nice to eat out there as the sun started to go down.

“I got us steak salads. I remembered you said you were local so I thought you would like it.” she nodded as he carefully unpacked the bags even pulling out an assortment of salad dressing packets. “I did not know what kind you liked.” he said piling them up on the side of the table before pulling out her chair for her.

“Seriously?’ she asked chuckling a bit. “Thanks I don’t think anyone has ever pulled a chair out for me unless they were paid to.” she took the seat smiling as he helped her move closer to the table. “Thank you sir. I appreciate your manners.” she said trying to not sound like she was teasing him as she put her napkin in her lap. “What dressing do you use?” she asked starting to pick through the pile for something she would like.

“French.” he said with a stupid smile. “No. Usually I like Italian. The guys filled my gear bag with these packets of French dressing once.” he shook his had smiling at the memory. He tended to get prank a lot due to his mild manner the guys liked to try and get under his skin a bit.

“I’m waiting for the day that I come in and my office is filled with chickens or something.” she picked up a packet of the balsamic dressing adding it to her salad trying to mix it in with little success. “That isn’t an idea to pass along either it’s actually something I’d rather not happen. I don’t like birds and chickens are especially disease ridden. I’d rather no one handle chickens.” she explained as she took the first bite of her salad.

The dinner went well with the two of them chatting easily. He talked about the guys and misunderstands he had encountered in Pittsburgh due to his English which she thought was really good and general confusion thanks to constant construction and all the bridges.

“Yeah when I first moved to the city it was confusing and they made fun of my accent.” she said with a little smile. “I’m actually from West Virginia so I sound pretty hick at times.” she said with a little shrug. “It’s hard to be different in Pittsburgh. I can only imagine some of the stuff you encountered.” It was then that her pager went off calling her to Jason’s room. “Sorry I have to run. I’ll be back I promise.” she said literally sprinting away down the hall.

“Impressive.” he said with a kind of silly grin that Mal caught as she headed into the lounge for some coffee. Thankfully she left him be headed to what was going on in the room down the hall herself though with much lest urgency.

Sarah arrived to Jason’s room finding him laughing with Eric. “You paged me emergency.” she said taking a deep breath standing in the door.

“I thought you’d want the run.” he said giving her a smile she once thought was charming but now just reminded her of a real jackass. “Anyways I wanted to ask you to grab some more fluids for Jay here. You were right to let me know his status. Also can we do a draw I want to check his white count.” he said looking over the chart frowning but trying not to show it to Jason. The truth was the condition of their favorite kid was deteriorating.

“Sure thing.” she said going out to the supply room getting what she needed and returning hanging the fluids and then doing up the draw having one of the orderlies take it on a lab run.

“Great Sarah thanks.” Eric said as he headed out of the room motioning for her to follow.

‘He’s here and will be down soon.’ Sarah mouthed to Jason who gave her a big thumbs up as he pulled his Pens t-shirt out from under his pillow along with a sharpie ready to ask him to sign before quickly putting it away. Sarah smiled following Eric down to the nurses station because it happened to be where she was going.

“So Mal tells me you’re on a dinner date?” Sarah did her best not to looked at her blabber mouth friend. “She also gave me a death threat.” he said as he made a note in Jason’s chart.
“I’m have dinner with a friend who happens to be male yes.” she said putting the chart he left laying around out. “And I have no reason to want you dead.” it was a lie and there was no doubt that he knew it. She might not really want him dead but she wouldn’t cry if he happened to be injured or perhaps hit by a bus and lost all memory resetting his personality to something other than an evil bastard. “Speaking of I need to get back to him. Have a good night Eric I hope I won’t have to page you again.” with that said she turned on her heel not willing to give him any more of her time.

“You look good Sarah. Looks like you lost some weight.” It took all her will power not to reach but keep walking down the hall. She was an average sized girl running at about at 8. When they had dated he had her convinced she needed to be a 4 which she was for awhile. After the break-up she had gone back to her more natural weight where she felt the most comfortable and happy.

She headed back out to the nursing lounge terrace putting a smile on to see Kris again. Sure it was a little fake but it was the best she could muster at the moment. She took her seat across from him. “Sorry about that. It wasn’t even a huge emergency. Someone was messing with me a bit.” she explained as she crunched into a fork full of salad.

“That is one scary prank.” he said his salad about half gone. She could tell he had been trying to eat slow while she had been busy. “I think I would be more mad than you look.” he said looking from his salad to her face. “I see you are mad but are trying to hide it.” it was his turn to crunch some salad giving her a chance to answer.

She sighed nodding. “I’m not so great at managing my facial expressions. They always say your wear your heart on your sleeve but I always think you wear it on your face. At least I do.” she explained pausing to take a sip of her water. “I’m not so much mad about being paged but who it was that paged me. He knows that if it isn’t an emergency to just use a standard page. I would have come quickly there was no need to scare me like that.”

“I did it because I like to see you run.” Eric had been standing there for a moment before speaking up. She had been so lost in her food and conversation she hadn’t noticed him come out onto the terrace. “She’s right about her emotions. She does wear them on her face. You’ll always know when there’s something brewing with her. I’m Dr. Eric James. I’m the ex.” he said trying to sound slightly less cocky about being her ex though in Sarah’s book he failed miserably.

“Kris Letang.” he said getting up using his napkin on his hands before offering his hand in introduction to Eric. “I am Sarah’s….” he paused looking to her for an exact term.

“Friend.” Sarah said looking to Eric being firm and then to Kris softening as much as she could trying to convey a kind of openness with the term she would more than likely have to explain later. “I’m sure you have a lot to do Eric.” she said trying her best to dismiss him. “I’ll be sure to page you if we need you for anything.” she gave him a sickeningly sweet smile the one she reserved for telling people to fuck off without having to say the words.

“It’s nice to meet you Kris.” Eric said. “It seems the lady wants me to go so I’ll go.” he let go of Kris’ hand backing away. “Have a nice dinner."

With that he was good and Sarah let out a big sigh of relief. “Incase you couldn’t tell that didn’t end well.” he crunched a big bite of salad taking her time chewing so she wouldn’t have to talk. Unfortunately he sat there waiting for her to say something else. She delayed again taking a drink of water. “Basically he’s an asshole who hurt me really bad. He strides around here like a God because he is handsome, works with kids and is a Doctor. I was stupid and impressionable when we started dating and I’m a much more sane person now than when we were together.” she explained looking to him meeting his beautiful deep brown eyes.

“I did want to hit him because you looked distressed but I resisted.” she thought he was mostly joking though the reality was that he wasn’t. He was much more a lover than a fighter but seeing her in distress had struck a chord in him.

She chuckled. “I would have laughed in his face and then done first aid. I’m glad you didn’t I get nervous when people fight around me. And I also don’t think the coaching staff would be pleased if you hurt yourself in any way while out with me socially.” she really was worried about that now. As far as she knew there weren’t any rules regarding being social with the players. “Also I said we were friends because we are. Well I think we are. I didn’t want him to go spreading some kind of rumor. He’s like that he would hop on the internet and make things hard on you. I hope he doesn’t do it now. He knows the best way to hurt me is to get at the people I care about.” she was picking at her salad now not really interested in eating. She saw that his was gone and was pleased to see he was a good eater. Given his active life she knew he needed every single one of those calories.

“He does not sound like a good guy.” he said taking his container that his salad was in to the trash throwing it out.

“I’m going to save mine. It’s really good I just don’t feel like eating now.” she explained frowning a little. “I really appreciate you bringing it. I would have ended up with something gross from the cafeteria.” she said closing her lid back of grabbing her pen from the pocket on the front of her scrubs writing her name on it and the date. “So do you care if I hug you? I promise I haven’t gotten anything gross on me yet today.” she shrugged and opened her arms a little in anticipation. He doubled over in laughter at her. “Yes a hug is fine. Saying that makes me wonder some of the things you could potentially get on you though.” he said as he stepped closer wrapping his arms around her shoulders allowing her to grab him around the waist. She has heard him complain about being one of the smaller guys on the team but there to her he seemed to be the perfect height to where she could easily lean her head on his upper chest in the hug.

“Really thank you for coming and for dinner.” she said into his chest till he let go of her.

“The patient you wanted me to see?” she said using inflection to make the statement a question. “His name is Jason right?” Sarah nodded motioning for him to follow her.

“I owe you big time for this. He hasn’t ever been in for Christmas thankfully but he always complains that he is here enough he should at least get to meet some of you guys.” she said talking as she walked with Kris. Thankfully the hall was pretty empty and Eric was nowhere in sight.

“Actually if you want to hang in here…” she showed him to the playroom. “I’ll bring him down I need to check on a few things with him first.” she explained. She was pleased to see he was content in the room immediately taking a seat in one of the tiny chairs.

“I will be here.” he said with a firm nod reaching out for the K’nex bucket digging though for the pieces he needed to start building something.

Sarah headed down to Jason’s room being mindful to check his condition before she had him go down there. “Ok so I’m glad to see you’re doing a bit better. If you think you can manage the walk down to the play room Kris is waiting.” she said getting his fluid pole loose from everything so they could take the fluids he was put on an hour earlier with them. “You’ll be pleased to know you have a love on K’Nex in common. When I left him he was starting to build something.” she explained putting her hand out to help Jason up. “I’ll carry this and ask I know it can be weird.” she said holding his t-shirt and sharpie for him as the slowly headed down the hall. Jason was much weaker than the last time she saw him. It made her sad to think her favorite little guy might be slipping.

“What do I talk about?” Jason asked a sudden bought of shyness hitting him just one door from the play room.

“Talk about whatever you want. Talk about the k’nex, talk about hockey, talk about what you had for dinner.” she said with a shrug. “Just talk to him like you talk to me.” she said putting a hand on his shoulder giving him a little nudge so they could walk again.

Once they turned the corner Sarah couldn’t help but smile seeing a kind of make shift go-kart on the table that Kris was obviously proud of building. “Kris this is Jason. Jason Kris Letang Penguins Defenseman and supremely awesome dude who has good taste in food and is a real gentleman.” She looked to Kris while she introduced him while Jason watched her a knowing smile on his face. Like Eric said when he interrupted their dinner she wore he emotions on her face so much so that even Jason could see how much she liked Kris.

“Hi man.” Kris said getting up from the tiny chair coming over to introduce himself offering his hand. “Sarah tell me you are an awesome guy.” he said heading back to the table once they shook hands.

“Yeah Sarah’s cool like that I wish all the nurses were as awesome as she is.” Jason gave her a big goofy wink as he took a seat near the bucket of K’nex starting to build something himself.

“This is here for later. Do you mind signing Kris?” she asked know Jason would be to shy to ask.

“Not at all.” Kris said focusing on finding the right tiny piece to put little mirrors on his car.

For Sarah this was why she did the job. Jason may have been hooked up to fluid and looking a bit pale and weak but for the first time in awhile he looked happy. Sure she wouldn’t have been able to make him forget about what was going on with his health without some serious help from Kris but it felt good none the less. She was admiring the scene till her pager went off calling a code.

“I’ll be back guys.” she had her game face on and Jason could see it giving her a quick nod trying not to let on to much.

“She is a fast runner isn’t she?” Kris said not really picking up on the serious problem that was happening just down the hall from them.

“Yeah she ran the marathon last year. She doesn’t think she did well but she finished it and I think that’s awesome.” Jason explained and he managed to find all the pieces he needed to start the inner workings of some complicated wheel thing. “She doesn’t give herself enough credit. She’s my favorite nurse, ran a marathon, bakes the best peanut butter cookies ever and is really pretty.”

Kris did his best not to smile to hard. “I have not known her for long yet but I think she is pretty great too.” The conversation flowed easily between the guys for about an hour when Sarah came back in pink scrubs her hair a bit out of place. “I don’t mean to bust up the party but Jay you know the drill it’s getting to be that time.” With that said he went and picked up his skirt and camera asking Kris to sign it for him. Kris took his time personalizing it to Jason. “Ok picture time.” she said with a smile. Jay if you stand by Kris’ chair I can crop our pole out.” he followed directions and Kris put his arm around Jason.

“Let me take one of all three of you.” Mal said coming to the door also in pink scrubs though she was always in pink.

“With my phone too please.” Sarah said passing over her phone from her pocket.

The trio posed and took a really cute picture. Kris’ arm around Jason and Jason’s around Sarah’s. It was long ago when Sarah cleared taking a picture now and then with Jason by his Parents.

“Come on time get this thing off for a little while.” Mal said. She just held her hand up with Sarah attempted to say something. “Take a bit of time. I’m sure Jay will be up for awhile and you’ll have time to say good night. Right Jay?” he just nodded wrapping his arms around Sarah’s waist when she stood tall after kneeling down for the picture.

“Yeah I’ll be in before you got o sleep.” Sarah said firmly. She watched as Jason and Mal left the play room before she sank back down to her knees on the floor almost curling into a ball before sitting back up pushing her stray hair from her face. “Sorry I had to abandon you for so long. It was a big bleed and as you can see by my change of clothes it didn’t go to well.” she sighed pushing her hair back again. “Sorry I’m just …” she paused searching for how to explain what was going on in her head. “This is why I got out of here. I hate loosing kids. It’s devastating to me and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I understand.” he said reaching out and scooting his little chair so he was close enough to get his arms around her. “Well I don’t understand I share your pain.” he corrected getting his other arm around her in a hug her head buried in his chest.

She melted a bit letting her upper body weight fall against his allowing him to support her as silent tears fell from her eyes. She took a deep breath and righted herself back to her knees her back tall as she brushed her tears away till her eyes were looking much less wet. “Thanks for everything Kris. The dinner, the wanting to hit Eric, playing with Jason and the hug. I really needed all of it. You have no idea how much I needed all of it.” she said taking her ponytail down putting it right back up so the majority of her hair was in the right place. “Visiting hours are over so I really have to kick you out now.” she said wrinkling her nose at him a bit.”

“I will go willingly.” he said getting up offering his hand to help her up which she gladly accepted though she didn’t put any of her weight on. He didn’t let her go though pulling her into a hug. “I will go but you promise to call me on your way home?” he asked not letting go of her.
Sarah nodded content to have her head buried in his chest. She nodded before lifting her head.

“Yes I’ll call you. I doubt I’ll make sense by then I’m pretty exhausted. But I will call.” she slowly loosened her grip from around his mid section. She wasn’t sure when she put her arms there but it just seemed natural. “I seriously can’t thank you enough.”

“It was nothing.” he said waving his good deeds off as they headed toward the elevators.

“Trust me it wasn’t nothing. You made a little boys life a bit more interesting, you saved me from horrid food and where there for me when I really needed someone.”

“It was nothing.” he said again with a little shrug.

“I’ll call you around 11:15.” she said softly tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear. “I promise.” she added as the elevator dinged announcing its arrival.


Sarah took her time getting back to the nurses station. She had a lot happen tonight… well a lot happen the last two nights. She was just two hours from heading home and sleep.
“Please tell me you’re going to sex up that brilliant hunk of man who is obviously in to you?” Mel asked in no way being subtle about it.

“I’m going to tuck Jason in.” Sarah said not even stopping to give her friends question a real answer. She did smile though and as well as Mel knew Sarah she could see that little extra saw in Sarah’s hips as she walked giving away she was obviously giving the question some thought.

The last two hours of Sarah’s shift went fast she mostly worked on charting and chatting with Mal. She had put Jason to bed like he was her own child reading to him from the chapter book he had brought with him sitting next to his bed till the rise and fall of his chest was deep and even. He was one of her firsts. One of her first that was still alive at least. Coming back to this ward was always hard on her but she figured it would be harder to forget Jason than to be there for him. So she was there being a solid person in the life of a child.

When the clock rolled to 11 and her paperwork was done Sarah headed home being sure to call Kris when she pulled out of the parking garage. “Hey it’s Me.” she said softly. “Me as in Sarah.” she added unsure of if he knew she was the ‘me’.

“Yes I was expecting your call.” he said. She could hear the tv on in the background. She figured he was at his home relaxing. “Are you ok?” he asked his accent seeming stronger. She figured he had just talked to someone from Montreal or that he was tired.

“Yeah I’m fine. Well I’ll be fine. I need some sleep and I’ll be ok.” she said putting her phone on speaker sitting it in her lap so she could have both hands to drive. “I’m sorry I cried. I’m not usually that emotional. It was just a lot of stuff building up today.” she explained as she drove navigating the construction around the city.

“I can tell you are strong person.” he said as she heard the crinkle of fresh sheets. “You do something I never could.” he added.

“Thanks.” she said softly crossing the bridge to the south side. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been there. I switched to psych because of it. I couldn’t take seeing so many kids just…” she didn’t finish her sentence choosing to move on. “Psych was so different. It was more dangerous physically. I got a few black eyes there.” she said with a chuckle. “Nothing to rival some of the fights I’ve seen you guys get into.”

It was his turn to chuckle. “I do not fight much.” he admitted. “The others are better at it. They fight for a reason. When I do it is for frustration or friends.” she had remembered seeing him step a few times the previous season to help out a teammate.

“Oh I wasn’t hitting back. The one time it happened because I wasn’t physically strong enough to restrain the guy. It’s hard to hold a guy who weighs twice as much as you do. He elbowed me in the head and then punched me right in the eye. It looked pretty awful I’ll have to show you the picture.” she laughed at that. “That’s cute right seeing a girl with a seriously blacked eye?”

He laughed along with her. “I would like to see. I think it make you look tough.” she couldn’t see it but he was smiling happy to be talking to her.

“Oh yeah a total bad ass at 5’2’’.” she joked as she pulled into her parking space turning off her car. She grabbed all her stuff taking him off speaker phone as she squished the phone between her ear and her shoulder unlocking her front door turning on the lights as she headed in. She put him back on speaker phone as she immediately went to change into pajamas. She brushed her teeth holding the phone away from the sink and tucked herself into bed as they chatted about her work. She wasn't trying to brag or anything just making conversation on what she knew the most about. She had some funny stories. "It all ended up being gloved to my elbow and my hand getting stuck in the toilet trying to get the dam dice out. They had to call a plumber I was so stuck. I think that's what pissed me off. Not fishing the dice out of the toilet but needing a guy to come get me out."

“You made it through a night with the boys. That is more than most girls can do. So as far as your new job is concerned you are tough.” she heard the crinkle of sheets again figuring he was relaxing in bed.

“fais de beaux reves” he said knowing she needed to say something or her phone would be on all night. He had listened to her sleep for two minuets before saying it. He hoped she wouldn’t check the time stamp on the call and notice. She mumbled her good night half asleep and he smiled content as he hung up putting his own phone on the charger. It had been awhile since he stayed on the phone till who he was talking to fell asleep. It was a good feeling. One he had missed more than he realized. It was strange at times being one of the few single guys on the team. He didn’t want to give the thought to much credit but it seem that maybe just maybe he wouldn’t be so alone anymore.

1 comment:

  1. You called her Mel once, instead of Mal* You were thinking of me, weren't you?! LOL

    I don't want to think of something bad happening to Jason... Eric sure, but Jason no.

    ReplyDelete